Who should you tell first about a death?
After someone has died, you will need to register their death within five days of being contacted by the register office. Read more information on registering a death.
When it comes to friends and family, you might put together a list of the people who you feel need to know about the death in the first one or two days.
This will differ for everyone, but that might include:
- Close family, if they aren’t already aware
- Close friends
- Your person’s employer, or anyone else who might be expecting to hear from them.
“Letting others know that someone has died can be draining and time-consuming,” says Poppy’s Funeral Director, Amy. “Figuring out who needs to know straight away can give you a bit of breathing space before moving on to notifying less immediate friends and family.”
In due course, you may also need to notify government departments, the bank and other bodies – we have guidance on this, too.
Getting help in sharing news of a death
Reaching out to your person’s wider network may be a task that other people can help you with. For instance, are there other close family or friends who can be a point of contact for a specific side of the family?
“You may find lots of people are asking you how they can help.” Amy says. “My advice is - take them up on it. Often, people really want to feel and be useful, so don’t be afraid to delegate.”
If you’re unsure about who needs informing, the address book of the person who has died, or their mobile phone if you have access to it, might be helpful.
Email, phone call, text? What medium is best?
This may depend on the nature of the death. If it was unexpected, it may feel right to pick up the phone or share the news in person. This may still feel appropriate for some people, even if the death was anticipated.
For your person’s wider network, a note via text, email or WhatsApp may help you share the news with those who would appreciate knowing.
You may even use your social media page, or that of the person who has died, to share the news. This may not work for everyone, but it is increasingly common.
Some people make a death announcement or obituary in the local or even national newspaper. If the person who has died had a public profile of any kind, it can be a fitting way to let the wider community know.
Just remember: there may be people who aren’t on a particular social network, or who don’t read the paper. If you’re going to share news of a death on a public forum, it’s worth considering if there is anyone that you wouldn’t want to find out indirectly.
After you've shared the news of a death
Once you’ve started contacting people, you and others close to the person who has died may receive calls, messages and visits from friends and family who want to offer their condolences.
When telling people about the death, you can consider letting people know how you’d like to be contacted or supported. You might prefer texts to phone calls; or perhaps you’d welcome an in-person visit.
“This can be another way that friends or family members can support in sharing the news of a death,” says Amy. “If you let them know what you feel ‘up to’ in terms of communication, they can tactfully pass that on to people as they share the news. This can take some of the pressure off staying on top of correspondence when you’ve already got a lot on your plate.”
We hope this advice will help make sharing the news of a death a little easier. We have lots more advice and guidance:
- Our step by step guide to arranging a funeral
- How to register a death
- How to do ‘death admin’
- How to care for someone who has died at home
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