Please tell us a little about your father, Derrick
He was born in 1936. He was a London lad and had a working-class upbringing.
He grew up through the Second World War. He was the youngest of eight children, and all his siblings were either grown up and involved in the war, or sent away out of London because of the Blitz. He was the only one who stayed in London.
After the war, I have very fond memories of family parties with all the aunts, uncles and cousins. He was the last of his generation to pass, but we’ve kept the tradition of family parties going, that's the legacy that was created through my Dad’s generation.
Dad studied at night school in his twenties, qualified as a mechanical engineer and had a very successful career. He met my mum and they got married and had three children. I have an elder sister, Nicki and younger brother, Richard.
We’re very lucky to have had such loving parents, but sadly things didn’t work out for the two of them and they divorced when we were in our teens. Happily, Dad met Pat in his early 50s and he remarried a few years later. They had a great life together; he also retired around this time, and they used to split their time between their holiday home in Spain and the UK.
Later on, dad had dementia and lived and died in a care home. But even then, in his own way, he was happy enough. He had a great life. I don't think he had any regrets.
What words come to mind to describe your dad as a person?
Family was hugely important to him. He was very determined - and a ruthless sportsman! But overall, he was a very loving, caring man.
He was a great granddad as well; he's got eight grandchildren.
Please tell us about some of the choices that you and your family made for your dad's funeral service?
For us, we wanted it to be a joyous occasion, celebrating dad's life. My siblings and I tried to let our stepmother Pat decide things as much as possible, while we did all the practical things such as finding photos.
He wasn't a particularly religious man, so we knew we didn't want a church service. We knew we wanted it at Lambeth Crematorium because we've had a number of family funerals there.
My brother and I spoke at the funeral, my sister read a poem and we had a chaplain say a few words as well. For the photo tribute, we had photos of dad through the years, from when he was tiny to when he was very old. That was a nice moment of reflection for everyone to just think about dad in silence.
It’s a sad occasion but the whole experience, as much as it ever can be, was great.
Was there anything you found particularly helpful in the process of organising the funeral?
From start to finish, Poppy’s were on top of things and very caring.
My mother passed four years ago, and the funeral directors we used weren't particularly good. It was a really stressful experience. We were keen not to repeat that. My sister had heard of Poppy’s, so we reached out and I'm pleased to say the team there were fantastic.
The way they took us through our choices was very structured. Whenever I had a question, or I wasn't sure about something, I’d drop an e-mail or call and there was always someone to put my mind at rest. That just made the whole thing completely stress-free.
Kate from the Poppy’s team was there on the day. It all went very smoothly, but I'm sure if something had not been right, she would have been there to intervene.
My stepmother, Pat, was very keen to see Dad before the funeral. It was all arranged in the chapel [our Friends and Family Room]. He was dressed in the clothes that she wanted, and she spent an hour and a half with him, talking about all the good times they’d had and saying her final goodbyes. That was particularly lovely for her, I think.
Is there any practical or emotional advice that you would offer to someone else who was organising a funeral?
I would say that getting the right funeral directors in place is key. If you get that right then, based on the experience I had with Poppy’s, everything else falls into place.
