Before the funeral
What should I do before I leave for the funeral?
It’s important to say that there is no right or wrong here.
What you do may depend on whether the funeral is in the morning or the afternoon, but, either way, our advice is to focus on the basics.
- Try to have something to eat, and stay hydrated. We know it can be hard to eat on days like this; even a little is better than nothing.
- Give yourself time to take things gently so you can get ready and dressed in good time.
- Think about any calming activities that might help you beforehand – whether that’s a quiet dog walk, journalling, playing music that calms you, lighting a candle, doing a simple mindfulness exercise, or something else.
- Ask yourself – do you think you’d like to have some quiet time alone, or would you prefer to be surrounded by friends and family?
Where will my funeral director meet me?
Your funeral director will have communicated this with you during the planning process. If you’re with Poppy’s, you will have a catch up a day or two ahead of the funeral with your funeral director. In this call, we will remind you of the meeting time and place.
Where will we meet the hearse?
This is up to you and will be decided ahead of the day, but it could be at the funeral directors’, at the home of the person who has died, another home of your choice or the service venue.
How early should we be/tell others to be?
Poppy's team always aim to arrive at the venue with the hearse 10-15 minutes before the service. This gives us time to check everything is ready, to chat to you and to brief any family and friends who might be helping to carry the coffin. This is also an opportunity to ask any remaining questions that you may have.
We recommend that attendees also arrive 10 - 15 minutes ahead of the start time. Crematoria in particular run to a tight schedule, so it’s often not possible to arrive any earlier.
You may also want to know if there will be accessible places to wait. Your funeral director can advise you on the accessibility of the venue ahead of time, including whether there is an indoor waiting space. Not all crematoria have waiting rooms.
What do I need to bring to the funeral?
Your funeral director will usually be responsible for bringing elements such as flowers and Orders of Service on the day, but you’ll need to bring along anything you’ve agreed to supply.
It can be a good idea to have a tote bag or similar with you, as attendees might give you cards or gifts to take away.
You might also consider what items you could bring to ensure you are comfortable on the day.
This might include:
- A bottle of water
- A packet of tissues
- Sunglasses and/or an umbrella (Poppy’s will supply some umbrellas if needed!)
- Any toiletries you might need e.g. deodorant, make-up, hairbrush
- A snack for an energy boost. Some people find that sucking on a mint or sweet can also give them something to focus on if they’re feeling overwhelmed
- Grounding objects like fidget tools or a lucky item, if you have one
- Something small that belonged to the person who has died – perhaps a card in their handwriting, or a photo of them.
At the service
Who will greet people?
This is up to you; you can choose whether to mingle with the attendees ahead of the funeral or not. If not, your funeral director can advise how you can tuck yourself away until the service begins.
Again, there is no right or wrong choice, so do what is best for you.
Who will give out the Orders of Service?
It’s a really good idea to delegate tasks like this to friends and family members where you can. Those around you may be grateful to be given specific ways that they can support you on the day.
Your funeral director can also help with this if needed.
How will we know when it’s time to start the service?
Attendees will naturally congregate near the venue entrance. When it’s time to start, the funeral director will invite them into the service space. Before this happens, they will let you know that the hearse has arrived and that we’re ready to begin.
Will the coffin come in before the congregation, or after?
You can choose this with your funeral director when you’re planning the service. If you’ve forgotten, you can check with them when they meet you on the day.
Who looks after the music and photo slideshow?
Depending on where the service is and the venue facilities, this could be your celebrant or minister, someone from the service venue or an attendee you’ve nominated in advance. Your funeral director can talk you through your specific options.
The key thing to remember is that there are people on hand to help you with details like this!
After the service
Do we have to do a ‘receiving line’ after the service?
A receiving line, where attendees line up outside the venue to offer their condolences to those closest to the person who has died, is a tradition not a requirement. You can choose whether you’d like to have a receiving line after the service, or to greet attendees more informally – or simply to leave quietly.
Once again, this is entirely up to you.
Should the people organising the funeral get to the wake venue first?
Depending on the venue and any preparation you want to do, some people find it good to nominate someone outside of the immediate family and friends who can get themselves to the venue a few minutes ahead of the main group. They can meet with venue staff, ensure everything is ready and let them know everyone will be arriving soon.
What happens with the flowers after a funeral?
In the case of a cremation, generally, flowers are removed after the service and placed in a floral tribute area at the crematorium. You can also take them away with you if you’d like, either at the time or the following day.
Some natural flowers might be able to go into the cremator on top of the coffin if you wish. However, flowers with any plastic packaging or using floral foam (that green squeaky material often used for floral displays) cannot be placed in a cremator.
At a burial, flowers are usually placed on the grave after it has been filled in.
Whether it’s a burial or a cremation, you can ask your funeral director to collect up any message cards that came with the flowers so you can take those away with you.
Read more on Poppy’s blog – like seven things you need to know about keeping or scattering ashes, or explore resources for grief and bereavement support.
If you’re ready to start organising a funeral, we’re here to help.