In our experience, having an idea of your funeral wishes is a good idea for everyone. It can bring peace of mind to know that your wishes are documented. It can also be extremely helpful and comforting to those organising your funeral to have an idea of what you would have wanted.
“When I sit across the table from a family and they really want to do something that's right for that person but they have no idea what they wanted, I think it just compounds the grief,” says Victoria, Senior Funeral Director at Poppy’s.
At Poppy’s, we think about funerals all day, every day - so it’s no surprise that many of us already have an idea what we’d like to happen when we die.
In this blog, four members of the team share their funeral wishes; what they’ve decided on, what they’re still not sure about and why it’s so worth taking the time to explore.
Plan your own funeral wishes with our free 45-minute My Funeral Wishes consultation – in person, online or on the phone.
Note: links to music are provided for informational purposes. Poppy's bears no responsibility for external links.
Liam - Senior Practical Lead in the Mortuary Team
Cremation or burial?
I like the idea of non-traditional cremations, like a Viking funeral. You get placed on a pyre on a longboat and cremated; but that’s not possible in the UK at the moment.
I've not ruled burial out. I like the idea of being connected back with the earth.
The funeral service
For my coffin, I’d like a Sapele solid redwood coffin - with silver handles, because all the jewellery I wear is silver. Or, a black cardboard coffin with Ghost Rider printed on it. That'd be awesome! And as a motorcyclist, a motorcycle hearse would be really cool.
I don't want my eulogy to be a boring timeline account of my life. I want it to be interesting, spicy and really exciting to listen to.
Musical choices
I'm also a big rock fan, so my entrance music would be Man in the Box by Alice in Chains. In a somewhat comedic sense, I would be the ‘man in the box’. I'd like people to put two and two together and have a laugh. Humour's my thing. I just want to add some brightness.
Although I am young, I have my wishes written down, and most family members know my wishes.
It's comforting to know that if my family followed my wishes, it would be something that I would have loved to have been present at.
Clare - CEO
Cremation or burial?
Before I came to Poppy’s, I think I'd have said I wanted to be cremated, but I didn't know about natural burial grounds then. Now, I feel very strongly I’d like to be naturally buried.
The service
One of the other things that I have learned in this job is that having a ritual with the person in their coffin is really powerful.
So maybe I’d like a big ceremony in London with me in my coffin, and then I get carted off to a natural burial ground where I can decompose nicely with the worms. I love being outdoors, so that will suit me very nicely indeed.
I think bringing someone in in their coffin is a very profound moment and I want that to be done by family and friends. I do not want professional bearers. I'm very close to my nephews. I'd like one of them to page me in, and the other to help bear the coffin, with other family and friends.
When it comes to food, people who know me know I love good food and good wine, so we're going to be having wines from my sister and brother-in-law’s glorious vineyard in the South Island, in New Zealand, and some really good vegetarian catering.
Interestingly, I love to read and really care about the written word, but I don't know what readings I want in my funeral and I don't really care. On the other hand, I'm not particularly passionate about music, but I have very strong views about the music at my funeral!
Musical choices
My entry music is the The Arrival of the Queen of Sheba by Handel . It's very bouncy, and I think it sets the tone for what I hope would be an upbeat ceremony, rather than particularly reflective or ‘weepy’. I just want people to think, ‘yep, that was Clare’.
I also really want Common People by Pulp to be played, although that is definitely a track to dance to rather than a reflective piece, so maybe it would be better to have a snippet rather than the whole tune played. Then, when people leave the ceremony space, I’d like Born Slippy by Underworld.
Victoria - Senior Funeral Director
Because I'm a funeral director, I go out on funerals all the time and I see so many clients making so many choices that are absolutely right for them - so my plans tend to change quite a bit!
When I’m at a funeral where I can see the choices are really meaningful to people, I think it’s because there's that sense of ritual - whatever form that takes.
Cremation or burial?
I would say I'm probably more likely to want a burial than a cremation.
There are a couple of natural burial grounds outside of London, and they're on ridges where there have been burials since the Bronze Age. They’re beautiful places, and I really like the idea of being with lots of other people. I just need to find one that me and my family all like!
The service
I think for me it would have to be a colourful dress code - lots of pink - but maybe with a vintage silver Daimler hearse.
I'm not a massive fan of flowers so I probably won’t have any flowers. One Poppy’s client arranged his mum’s funeral with us, and instead of flowers, all around her coffin in the hearse we arranged 50 or 60 handbags, and then we gave them out to people to take home with them. I have hundreds of books, so maybe my family could gift those to people at the funeral.
On the other hand, when I go to a church service and I hear a choir singing in a space which is designed to have that sort of sacred singing in it, it really makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.
So, maybe I’ll have more of a serious service and then have a ‘rave around the grave’ with all my other favourite songs! I just want people to have a really good party, because I always love a good party.
On talking to her family about her wishes
My kids were probably eleven or so when I started at Poppy’s, so it's always felt like a natural thing to talk about. I update them every time I have a new idea!
Nichola - Office Manager
Cremation or burial?
I want to be cremated.
I don't have any particular place that I would like my ashes scattered, although if we manage to take my dad's ashes back to Barbados, it would be amazing to go where he is.
I would like either a cardboard coffin or a wicker coffin. If my family don’t choose a cardboard coffin, then I would like to have a nice wicker coffin.
The service
I don’t want people to wear all-black. I’m considering the leopard print hearse!
I want there to be a joyousness. I definitely would like some prosecco to be popped, and for everyone to raise a toast in the service itself.
I'd love to have a slideshow of pictures of friends and family and those important moments of my life. It'd be great for people to tell the stories that they remember - fun things that we did and silly situations we got ourselves into - and to carry that on afterwards at the wake.
I saw a videographer at a funeral recently. It was the first time I'd seen that, and I couldn’t really get my head around it. But when I saw the footage, it was so moving and touching, I could understand why you’d want to have that as a keepsake.
Musical choices
Music is an important part of what makes me happy. I would love there to be a good representation of the sort of music that I love.
The first song I know I’d like is Optimistic by Sounds of Blackness. I love that song. I've listened to it since I was in school, especially on down days. The second is His Eye is on the Sparrow
- the Lauryn Hill and Tanya Blount version.
And then I would love other people to choose songs that they think either reminds them of me or represents me to them.
On the day, wherever I'm being taken, I'd love music to be played really loudly. I would love for traffic to be stopped.
On talking to her family about her wishes
My husband and I have spoken about it together. We haven't put it down on paper – we’re going to do that this year.
Advice for thinking about your funeral wishes
“There are many people who say they find it very difficult to talk about this stuff with their parents, children or partner,” says Clare.
“If someone said to me, ‘you need to think about the readings you’d want’, my mind would go blank. So instead, try thinking about the things that you care about and not worrying too much about the things that you don't, or that you can't think about. You don't have to tie everything up with a bow.”
“It's so helpful to have an idea about even just the big decisions,” says Victoria. “Such as: would you like cremation or burial? Do you want something really traditional, or something a bit more bespoke? Do you want a faith leader or not?”
Thanks to Liam, Clare, Victoria and Nichola for sharing your wishes for this article.
Plan your own funeral wishes with our free 45-minute My Funeral Wishes consultation – in person, online or on the phone.
