Sally is one of Poppy’s on-the-day funeral directors; vital members of the team who help ensure things go smoothly on the day of a funeral. When her dad David died, Poppy’s had the privilege of helping her arrange his funeral. We spoke to Sally about the beautiful woodland funeral she and her family planned for David, and her advice for writing and delivering a eulogy.
Would you tell us a bit about your dad?
My dad was a big character; he'd travelled the world with the Merchant Navy, was a chef and had all sorts of interests. He grew up and lived in Egham all his life and was very much part of his community.
One of his many passions in life was being a Tree Warden for Surrey County Council. He'd been doing it for thirty years, and he’d planted over 1,000 trees around Surrey.
He also loved gardening and had an allotment. We wanted his love of nature, trees and plants to be reflected in the funeral.
Can you tell us more about that?
We had a cremation at Greenacres Chiltern Park. Greenacres are living memorial parks set in woodlands. At the site, they have a beautiful wooden building for services, with lots of windows, so you can look out at the woodland. As soon as my mum and I walked in, we said ‘this feels absolutely right for dad’.
If you want a burial, you can have that on-site at Greenacres. If you choose a cremation, they take the person to a local crematorium, and then you go back to Greenacres to collect the ashes.
A woodland theme for the flowers was our funeral director Amy’s suggestion. They were beautiful and very fitting. At the end, everybody else left and the immediate family stayed to say goodbye at the coffin – a lovely English willow coffin. We all placed a few different things on top, including a little posy of cowslips taken from dad’s allotment, and some gingko biloba leaves that I’d collected from a tree he’d given me.
Afterwards we went to a lovely country pub with a nice roaring fire. So many people said, “oh, that's the nicest funeral I've ever been to”. That was so nice to hear.
His grandchildren had important roles in the service. Why was that important to you?
Family was everything to my dad. He loved his six grandchildren and he was a big influence on them, so it felt only fitting that they should play their part if they wanted to – though there was absolutely no pressure.
My 16-year-old son helped me, my brothers and my uncle carry the coffin in. My four nephews are quite young, so we pre-recorded little video clips of them talking about Grampa and why they loved him and another reciting a poem he’d written.
One of the many things my dad loved was Wallace and Gromit, so we played a recording of my daughter playing the theme tune on the piano. The music at the very beginning of the service was Adagio for Strings by Samuel Barber, which is a very sad piece of music. It was nice to have something more light-hearted afterwards. He would have loved that.
What was your experience of writing and delivering the eulogy?
I never thought I would be able to deliver the eulogy. But I surprised myself. I shared it with my two brothers and I know it sounds a bit odd, but I really enjoyed it.
My dad had so many interests, the list of things we wanted to put in was very long! It took a long time to refine it.
If I was going to advise anyone about giving a eulogy, I’d say don't talk off the cuff – plan it, time it, go over it and over it again, because for me at least, that made it easier on the day. I shed a lot of tears practicing it. My brothers and I had a plan that if it got too much, we could tap each other on the back and one of the others would take over, but on the day I was actually very calm.
My second piece of advice is to go slowly. You may feel like you’re slow or taking long pauses, but it doesn’t feel like that to the congregation.
The other thing that really helped was our celebrant, Tim Mann. He has such a lovely disposition. He was willing to take over at any point, if we gave him the signal. In the end, he didn't have to read any of the eulogy, but just knowing he was there was important.
What do you enjoy most about being an on-the-day funeral director (FDOD) at Poppy’s – and did it inform your experience of planning your dad’s funeral at all?
Nothing can prepare you for losing a parent. But knowing about funerals helped with the preparations and the outcome. Before I came to this job, I didn't imagine all the different possibilities you could have for a funeral.
I now know from personal experience, how important it is to have a funeral that reflects your person. It's part of coming to terms with them dying. If you can play a little part in helping people achieve that, that's a good feeling.
For example, one client said about their dad’s funeral, ‘we managed to give him the funeral he deserved’. As an FDOD, that is the best possible outcome.
And I love working with a lovely bunch of people - everyone's so caring and friendly.
Where are you going to scatter your dad’s ashes?
We're going to scatter his ashes alongside a tree we are planting for him, in one of the local parks he helped create - so he will become another mighty oak, or perhaps a ginkgo biloba.
